I’ve been told that diaper-changing time is great for establishing a rapport with your infant, so I want to make the most of it. Therefore: Every time my kid takes a shit on my watch, I’m going to teach him some shit.Tumblr (3.0; @wisdom-and-shit)http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4wzgcI4Bw1r5jsv0o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>80% of your knowledge of foreign languages will be curse words.</p>http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/24165879261http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/24165879261Thu, 31 May 2012 21:14:35 -0400languagecursing<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4t1793S481r5jsv0o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>A lot of things people collect as children turn out to be valuable. Just nothing you collected.</p>http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/24038827342http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/24038827342Tue, 29 May 2012 22:18:58 -0400collectibleshobbiesGarbage Pail Kids are priceless<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4r7bcVpbC1r5jsv0o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>It’s best to run in the morning. On the positive side, you get it over with for the day. On the negative, spiderwebs.</p>http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/23960379130http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/23960379130Mon, 28 May 2012 19:25:00 -0400exerciserun behind someone else if you canrunning<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4ph53Cmeh1r5jsv0o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>The key to popularity in first grade? Crazy straws.</p>http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/23895428164http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/23895428164Sun, 27 May 2012 20:00:01 -0400schoolpopularityfriends<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4nkk6ZYTO1r5jsv0o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>In college, you never learn anyone’s last name.</p>http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/23825649239http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/23825649239Sat, 26 May 2012 19:18:33 -0400collegefriendship<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4lpsvCctZ1r5jsv0o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>At any given time, there are at least three series on your DVR that you will never get around to watching.</p>http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/23759558079http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/23759558079Fri, 25 May 2012 19:12:49 -0400televisionDVRregretsorry Wilfred<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4jy62x8JJ1r5jsv0o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>To the idiot who leaves the refrigerator door open go the spoils.</p>http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/23702286909http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/23702286909Thu, 24 May 2012 20:18:02 -0400foodwaste<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4hxxypTr41r5jsv0o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>In-school suspension is a great way to study for AP exams.</p>http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/23638483520http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/23638483520Wed, 23 May 2012 19:57:17 -0400crime and punishmenthigh schoolstudyinglearned the hard way<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4gflyXGYz1r5jsv0o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Your entire college wardrobe will be provided by sororities and credit card applications.</p>http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/23587750471http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/23587750471Tue, 22 May 2012 22:48:06 -0400collegefashionclothing<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4cf58KeEf1r5jsv0o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>Dogs are great training for having kids, but not so much for breastfeeding.</p>http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/23446073720http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/23446073720Sun, 20 May 2012 19:27:28 -0400dogspetsfamilychildcare<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4ak8ljluZ1r5jsv0o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>Poetry: good for romantic gestures, bad for bridesmaids’ toasts.</p>http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/23385620678http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/23385620678Sat, 19 May 2012 21:39:35 -0400romancepoetryweddingsat least make them rhyme ladies<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m48pifhb011r5jsv0o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>Until you are out of college, never wear shorts without the drawstrings tied tight. Someone — possibly someone you know and love — is just dying to pull them down.</p>http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/23318028587http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/23318028587Fri, 18 May 2012 20:07:00 -0400camppantsingpranksit might be me<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m44y2zds8M1r5jsv0o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>There is no self loathing quite like realizing you like a song by a band you hate.</p>http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/23186110970http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/23186110970Wed, 16 May 2012 17:52:00 -0400guilty pleasuresmusicdamn you black-eyed peas<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m431szsHwu1r5jsv0o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>On an interstate with signs that say the area is patrolled by aircraft, feel free to speed. If the day comes that a plane pulls you over and gives you a ticket, it’s on me.</p>http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/23122219796http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/23122219796Tue, 15 May 2012 17:17:23 -0400carsspeeding ticketsthings that aren't bloody likely<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m41hklnoMT1r5jsv0o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>Never send nude photos. Only receive them.</p>http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/23074734040http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/23074734040Mon, 14 May 2012 21:02:45 -0400communicationflirtingrelationships<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3zcpkU1821r5jsv0o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>If you don’t call your mom for Mothers Day you better have a good excuse like you were trapped under a giant boulder or you forgot.</p>http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/22997942212http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/22997942212Sun, 13 May 2012 18:03:21 -0400Mothers Dayholidayswatching golf is a bad one<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3xvlmXSb11r5jsv0o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>You’ll purchase magazine subscriptions for reading, but mostly you’ll use them for insect execution and removal.</p>http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/22942827962http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/22942827962Sat, 12 May 2012 22:15:22 -0400magazinesinsect removalutility<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3w2wftIrJ1r5jsv0o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>You learn many skills as a camp counselor. Perhaps none more important than how to power nap.</p>http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/22880033175http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/22880033175Fri, 11 May 2012 23:01:48 -0400campnappingjust give me five minutes and I'm good<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3tzkkJa3E1r5jsv0o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>It may look silly and it may cost you a girlfriend, but I still say the best way to sleep with a runny nose is Kleenex in your nostrils.</p>http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/22808342764http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/22808342764Thu, 10 May 2012 19:50:44 -0400sicknesshome remedieslearned the hard way<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3q6p0QO0I1r5jsv0o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>Women cannot insult other women without first confirming how much they love them.</p>http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/22692270132http://wisdom-and-shit.tumblr.com/post/22692270132Tue, 08 May 2012 22:05:39 -0400womentrash talk